The Flicker and The Flame

Dearest Little Ones –
As your dad sleeps off his night shift downstairs and I prepare to work, you’re on my mind this morning.  Well, you’re on my mind every morning, but this one is special. I just opened up yesterday’s mail and recieved paperwork from the agency. We have a lot of forms to start filling out. At some point today, your dad and I will head to Navy Legal to get a Power of Attorney specific to the adoption so that I can sign for anything you need while he’s out ‘Finding Nemo’, which is bound to happen soon.
The Agency doesn’t make it easy. But that’s not specific to us. From what I’ve heard, no agency makes it easy. But it shouldn’t be easy.  They are looking out for your best interests! That’s a huge tough job.
…But there are days that feel discouraging… like every step of the way is a fight. A fight to bring you home – a fight for our future as a family.  I knew this would be hard, but like so many things in life, it’s never the type of difficulty we’re expecting. Your dad and I are putting our entire lives on paper for someone to judge if we are a good, healthy match for you. Some days I feel so lost in the sea of paperwork and it gets hard to find my way through the sea of black and white… It seems as if it’s so far away it’s an unreachable goal…
And then I take a deep breath and close my eyes…
Because somewhere, in that darkness behind my eyes, I see your flame. That little flicker of a candle’s glow.  I see your flame there, whether you’re born or not, and I know that you’re out there, somewhere, waiting on us.
We are ment to be – it’s only a matter of time and effort. Even when I let myself cry from it, I know that someday these tears will not be from frustration, but from relief when we finally get to hug you, kiss you, and tell you how loved you really are.
In the meantime, I know no tears are shed in vain. You’ll be home soon – and we’ll be as we are ment to – a family.

We are a family, you just don’t know it yet.

Love always,
Your Mom


About justdontknowityet

Adopted during my first year of life into a family that had a already adopted a boy. My bio mother was 15 and swore she was raped. With almost no pre-natal care, I survived and joined my forever-family. Blood may be thicker than water - but love is stronger than both. Now, my husband and I are in the process of building our own family through adoption. Our process is complicated somewhat by his service as a Navy Submariner. Sometimes the best things come from the most surprising and challenging situations. The goal of his blog is to honestly express the challenges, pit falls, heart breaks and joys of this process in letters to our future family. Every child is wanted by someone.
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