Dearest Little Ones,
Today I got this great day brightener! An email from your dad! Actually, I got 2 emails, but one of them talked a lot about you. Well, you and me. He said, “ I just want to let you know no matter what our family looks like I know it will be perfect because it is with you. ” While nothing is ever really “perfect”, I know what he means. It’ll be ‘right’. Whether you meet us on your first day in this world, or later, it’ll all fall into place as it’s supposed to.
Tonight I spent some time working on the 21 page autobiography the adoption agency is requesting. It’s actually been a challenging and enlightening experience. I don’t know how much of this you’ll actually see, but it’s opened my eyes a bit. I’ve had to really think about my childhood and more than what I liked and didn’t like, but really how I felt about things. For example, they asked me about how I ‘felt’ about my school arrangements growing up. It was interesting to really think about it. I was finally able to put in a single word what I felt about my K-8 private school experience. And that word was “Stiffled”. Yes, I learned a lot of great morals and values that kept me out of trouble later on, but it wasn’t a world where true creativity was encouraged. If there is one thing I could change about that experience, it would be that I would have liked to have my creativity encouraged more by outside sources.
But it also made me think about things my parents did right. One thing they really did right (in my opinion) is traveled with me and it’s something we can’t wait to do with you too! Some of the best things about life just can’t be learned in a classroom. Because of my traveling as a child, I see value in museums, art, and culture. How other people live inspires me. Cultural anthropology was one of my favorite college courses.
I’ve had to look at things in my past that I’m not proud of. This probably won’t really play a factor in your life, but I’ve been married once before. In this paper, I have to relive that past a bit to explain it to a social worker. I know they are protecting you, and I appreciate it, but all the soul searching is very hard.
All that said, there is something I want you to know. You are your own person. That is the only expectation I have for you – that you be ‘you’ through and through. You aren’t a “mini me” or a “mini Dad” or a mini version of your bio parents. You will be uniquely you, in all your glory. If that means we easily find common ground, great! If that means that it takes some work and some time to get there, that’s just fine too. Your dad and I are in this for the long haul. We may have not been present for your whole life, but we’re your forever family – and we have a lifetime to prove that we’re here for you – come what may. You don’t have to follow in our footsteps. We’re just here to guide you along the way and grow with you. Your path will be uniquely beautiful – and your own.
Just like your dad is my biggest cheering section, and we’ll be his (while he’s at sea especially), we will always be your biggest fans, your best body guards, and your compass, should you lose your way. If there is one thing my parents did right – it’s building that kind of a strength. It’s a legacy I want to leave for you.
After all, we’re family – you just don’t know it yet.
All my love,