The Ugly Under Belly

Dear Future Kids –
  I wonder if you have a four-legged friend of snuggle with.  You will when you get here.  Sometimes, they seem to give us just what we need – that unconditional love and acceptance.
  I haven’t written for a few months because there has been little to no progress on bringing you home or getting to know you. In fact, we learned that it will probably be yet another year until that happens. I’ve been quietly frustrated about it, but, like so many things in both of our lives, it is beyond my control. I’ve made phone calls to all the right people. I’ve pushed all the buttons I can push, and now we just have to wait for our background checks to come through.
  I thought we had you all decided on. I thought I knew what you looked like.  I almost bought you some cool things I thought you’d like at the store. But it was Odin who knew first that you weren’t the one we thought you were.
  You see, there is a timeline for all of this paperwork stuff. The timeline doesn’t care what you’re going through. (It doesn’t care what we’ve been going through searching for you either.) It only cares about crossing every ‘t’ and dotting every ‘i’. That means, we’ve had to have background checks in every state that we’ve ever lived in. For me, that’s California and here, Washington. For your Dad, that means Michigan, Illinois, Connecticut, and Georgia. He spent less than 6 months in all of those places (except for Michigan, where he was raised), but it doesn’t matter. Since the Navy sent him there, they count as places he’s lived, so we have to wait for all of that paperwork to come through. I spoke with them a month ago, and they said they’d have it done in 30 days. Yesterday marked 30 days, so I followed up twice. I’ve yet to receive an update on the status of things, but as another complication has been thrown in, it seems pointless to continue rushing things and just let beaurocracy take its course.
 You see, we were surprised to learn that they’d ‘ideally’ like your dad home for a full six months following placement. Your dad is going to be home for about 6 months total this year, and one of them has already passed.  When people say something is an ‘ideal’ in business (and this is the ‘business’ end of adoption), they usually mean, ‘it’s not happening without that condition being met.’ With all the other hiccups we’ve been experiencing, I’ve lost all hope of bring you home this before Christmas.
  This wasn’t easy for me to take. When I learned all of this, I took a few moments and cleaned up your room (though there wasn’t much to do). Odin wouldn’t leave it though. He just lay there on the floor in the middle of the room. Usually he isn’t very interested in this room (since there isn’t much in it right now), so it was odd.
So I sat down on the floor to see what was going on with him. That’s when Clydas came up to me, sitting practically in my lap and put his head on my shoulder. Clydas is the best dog for drying tears. I’ve hugged him and sobbed into his fur many times over the years, and he is always ready to be a shoulder to cry on.
The best thing about his shoulder though, is that tears can’t last too long. Once your face is salty, he starts to lick you, which tickles like crazy. Sobs turn into giggles pretty quickly.

Clydas is getting up there in doggie years, and this process is taking much longer than we anticipated. (As of August 2014, we’ll have been trying to meet you for 3 long years.)

But we’ll see what happens. I’m not giving up hope on us becoming a family completely. Just for now, we have to journey on on our own a bit longer it seems.

Stay safe –

Your Mom


About justdontknowityet

Adopted during my first year of life into a family that had a already adopted a boy. My bio mother was 15 and swore she was raped. With almost no pre-natal care, I survived and joined my forever-family. Blood may be thicker than water - but love is stronger than both. Now, my husband and I are in the process of building our own family through adoption. Our process is complicated somewhat by his service as a Navy Submariner. Sometimes the best things come from the most surprising and challenging situations. The goal of his blog is to honestly express the challenges, pit falls, heart breaks and joys of this process in letters to our future family. Every child is wanted by someone.
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3 Responses to The Ugly Under Belly

  1. Jennifer P says:

    Beautiful. I’m sorry bureaucracy has made this journey so hard.

  2. alexrawfootage says:

    To me that is very nice post. If you can please hit follow I will be very grateful thank you
    And I hope that you will have a nice day.

  3. Danna d'Artenay says:

    Heartwrenching . . . sooooooooooo many children need a wonderful home like you can provide.

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